Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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