if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
