i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
as a side note pls kill me
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
