At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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