I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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