6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
