we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
