I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
