I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
