He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
