Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
