So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
