There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
