I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
