is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
