They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
