just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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