Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
