Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
