i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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