You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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