I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
