found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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