Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
