Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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