I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
