Me too!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
