you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
