i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
