i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
