He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
