either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
