Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
