we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
