thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
