What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
