There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
