...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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