well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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