so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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