When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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