your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The uberlube is also flammable
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
