It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
