When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
