Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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