Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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