I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
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