if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
