I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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