Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
