Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
