You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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