guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
