I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
