Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
