The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
