well I can't set my house on fire every night
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
