Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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