I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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